im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
