come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
