Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
