Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Naked Twister starts at high noon
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
