idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
