One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
