Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
