The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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