I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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