You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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