Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
