Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
