Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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