Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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