I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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