I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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