Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
