I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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