I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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