A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
