Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
