i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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