so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
