I need help removing her.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Randomize
