pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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