but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
