i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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