if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
