so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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