Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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