Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
