i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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