if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
