I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
