so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
