She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
