Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
its liver damage thursday
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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