this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
