I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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