I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
