I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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