You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
