Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
