I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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