she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
