i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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