It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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