Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
