I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Two words: blizzard sex
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
