Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
