is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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